another year eclipsed, and what has changed?
here i am,
still carrying the weight of the world on a pair of shoulders that never seem to measure up to the task…
my skin has grown tauter,
my ambitions - even more grandiose
but beneath it all, it is my soul which has been clawed apart
each act of wickedness taken to it like a scythe,
mercilessly ravaging the parts of me that i most wish to maintain pure
for, even 32 years ago, when i drew my first breath,
it was written that i would be condemned to embrace harsh reality with a softness of spirit incongruent with what stood before me
so, my creator instilled in me a madness that would lay dormant,
and when it had finally been reduced to a smolder,
and those around me were reassured the flames must rise no longer from it,
it was my soul that remained ablaze and seething
my challenge in life has, thus, become two-fold
for i must protect myself from within and without,
lest that soft spirit remain smothered forever
and in this, i find my polarity
that rest never finds me easily when the need to defend my dreams lasts long beyond the twilight
but sleep calls to me like a warm embrace in each waking moment
that i can look at my reflection and see all that i’ve wanted to become
but still stare back at myself with inconquerable disdain
that each day feels like the start of a thousand more
but each night dissipates quietly, with nary a desire for another to follow
that celebrating the day that i came to exist feels triumphant for those around me
but is that much more painful than any other for myself
it will come and go just as any other,
just as i had intended
the well wishes will melt away with the sun as the sky drips upon us in heavy hues of orange and blue
tomorrow will come, just as assuredly as yesterday has departed,
and i will be left with the question that never fades away…
another day eclipsed, and what has changed?
